


What's New, Torchwood?

by casstayinmyass



Category: Scooby Doo - All Media Types, Scooby-Doo! (Live-action Movies), Torchwood
Genre: Alien Technology, BAMF Daphne, BAMF Gwen, Cardiff, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/M, Female Friendship, First Meetings, Food, Fred Is Straight But Makes Out With Jack Anyway, Implied Sexual Content, Jack being Jack, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Retcon (Torchwood), Tosh and Velma Are Nerdy Together, Velma Is A Nerd And Owen Is Kinda Turned On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:05:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6896893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mystery Inc wins a trip to Cardiff, they're ecstatic- until they get there, and the van is hit by a mysterious piece of debris, leading them to a presumed new mystery. Torchwood detects it, but when they investigate, they end up bringing not only the alien artifact back with them to the Hub, but a very confused group who knows absolutely nothing about what they just got into.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's New, Torchwood?

 The mystery machine and its contents jostled around as Fred Jones drove the van over the smooth road of the Cardiff countryside.

Daphne smiled, breathing in the smell of grass and fresh evening air. "I've always wanted to come to Cardiff. It's so quaint and beautiful here, even with all the rain. And the guys are to _die_ for.”

Fred scowled.

“-I even did some research on the language out here too. I’ve been using as much British as possible, and now I can proudly say snogging and shagging are part of my vocabulary."

“Snog and shag, huh? Like, I’ll take two of each, with the special sauce,” Shaggy shrugged at Scooby.

“Never repeat that to another breathing human,” Velma deadpanned. Smirking, she continued. "I’m excited too. Cardiff is such an interesting place.” She scanned the pages of her tourism book. "It’s the largest city in Wales, established in 1905, and was ranked sixth in National Geographic's best alternative tourist destinations."

"Cool that we won that contest then, huh?" Fred grinned, "And we owe it all to Shag and Scoob for winning that Bangers and Mash eating contest."

Shaggy popped up from the back.

"Yeah! Like, we think we should celebrate- with pizza. Scoob and I were just checking out the local food joints, and found a place that sounds great."

Scooby licked his lips. "Reah! Rizza!"

"I guess we could all use a little snack after the trip," Fred shrugged, "You up for it, Daph? Velmster?"

"Sure."

"Anything to experience more of the culture," Daphne nodded, and Velma snorted.

"Daph... by culture, do you mean people telling you to "sod off, ya bloody wanker?" the brunette laughed, her accent spot on.

"It definitely beats being told to "fuck off, you ditzy slut," Daphne retorted, and Fred and Shaggy burst out laughing. After a withering glare from both women, the guys cowered back, coughing.

"Like, that's totally not funny."

"Nope, not at all."

They kept driving, the only illumination through the hammering rain ahead of them the bright headlights of the van.

"What's that?"  Velma asked, squinting out the windshield.

"What?" Fred asked, trying to figure out where Velma was pointing.

"Oh jeepers-- that! Freddie, look out!" Daphne cried,  right before something huge hit their car. Fred veered off into the oncoming lane, which, thankfully, looked like it had been empty for hours. Everyone sat in shocked silence, Fred letting the van idle for a moment as they tried to process what had just happened.

“Okay… please tell me you saw that big silver thing,” Daphne hissed, visibly shaken.

“Well, the van sure did!” Fred shouted, jumping out to inspect a crack on the windshield, which also revealed silver scratches on the side of the hubcaps. “Shit! I just got this baby hot-waxed!”

“Zoinks!" Shaggy exclaimed, "Like, I don’t think it’s the car that we should be worried about, man! Take a look at what did the damage!” All five members of Mystery Inc gathered around the wreckage of what seemed to be an alien vessel of sorts, oozing an acidic liquid that burned through the surrounding grass.

“This can’t be good,” Velma groaned.

“Well, gang,” Fred sighed, “Looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands.”

-0-0-0-

"Jack! Possible Rift activity about a mile out of town, countryside."

"Tell me more, Tosh," the captain said. He walked around to take a look at Tosh's computer, where she was currently typing away into the satellites to view the newly discovered crash site.

"Look... it's definitely something. It must be alien debris."

"'S going on?" Owen frowned,  popping a biscuit in his mouth as he joined the two at the monitors.

"Something fell out of the Rift," Tosh informed him, "and, judging by the CCTV tapes, a group of kids found whatever it was."

"Look," Jack said, "Tosh, enlarge that plate, please... they're Americans."

"Great," Owen muttered, "Of course it's gotta be bloody Americans that get their hands on the tech."

"Mystery Inc is what they call themselves, according to their paint job... a group of friends who solve mysteries."

"What sort of mysteries?"

"According to their website experience, local cooks dressing up and scaring people...? They've dealt with a murder or two, as well."

"Huh... okay. Are they still on the scene?" Jack asked the woman typing away, ignoring Owen's complaints. Tosh shrugged.

"They haven't left."

"Owen, Gwen, with me. Tosh, stay here and make sure nothing else falls through the Rift- and Ianto? Make coffee, and lots of it- I suspect we'll have guests tonight."

"Right away, sir."

"Oh, and Ianto?" Jack added, pausing his speedy exit.

"Sir?"

"Don't change that tux," Jack grinned, "I want you in my office later with all three gorgeous pieces still intact."

"Duelly noted," Ianto replied, writing something down and trying to hide his smile. Owen rolled his eyes, and led the way to the SUV.

Once they got on the road, Gwen leaned forward to poke her head between the two men.

"Jack, you said a group of kids... what could a group of American kids be doing out here in the middle of the countryside?"

"God knows," Owen supplied, "I fucking hate-"

"-The countryside, yes Owen, you've made your burning hatred for this particular area quite known," Gwen cut in, "But my question is... why did they stay?"

"Well, think about it," Jack said, not looking up from his map, "You find a strange piece of what looks like out of this world technology in the middle of the road... what would any normal person do?"

"Get the hell out of dodge," Gwen chuckled. Jack smiled.

"Let me rephrase that-- what would _you_ do?" Gwen's mouth shut. "Besides, they don't actually look like kids. Solving murders, they must be in there 20s." 

The rest of the ride was fairly quiet until they approached the brightly painted van in front blocking the road still.

"Looks like a bloody 70s reunion," Owen mumbled.

As soon as they were out, a built blonde guy came over to them.

"Sorry, guys, I'll move the van right away-"

"We're not here about the van," Jack interrupted, then sized up the young man he was talking to with an approving smirk. "Hi there, Captain Jack Harkness," he gave a winning grin, and Gwen raised a stern eyebrow.

"Jack, focus!"

"Why I can't say hello?" he asked bitterly, and Fred blinked as Jack once again shamelessly checked out his package.

"Um... I'm Fred Jones. Nice to... meet you?" he said, chuckling nervously.

"Sure is," Jack winked.

"Like, are you the police?" Shaggy asked, looking a little nervous, and Scooby glanced up at him.

"You should definitely cooperate with us like we are the police, yes," Jack nodded.

"Like, the Scooby Snacks may be laced with a little hash, but I swear man, it's medical!" Shaggy insisted, and Fred nudged him. Gwen smiled.

"Don't worry. We've got much bigger issues at hand right now... what's your name?"

"Shaggy. And this is Scooby Doo."

Owen smirked over at where the two girls were standing. "Hello, beautiful. I'm Owen," he grinned, giving a low whistle, and Daphne flipped her hair, melting at his cute accent.

"Oh, I'm taken. But I'm flattered, really."

Owen frowned at the redhead. "Sorry, sweetheart... I was talking to the busty little thing in the orange warmers."

Velma's eyes widened, and her cheeks reddened under Owen's appreciative gaze. Pushing up her glasses, she looked down with a smile. Daphne's fists balled, and Fred put a protective arm around her.

"That's Velma, and this is Daphne. Anyway... I assume you're here for the strange silver thing, right?"

"Yeah."

"We've already calculated the mass and the force of impact, but if we think about-" Velma began, but Jack cut in.

"Sorry to ruin the party, but there's no 'we'," he said, "There's just Torchwood. And we'll be taking this piece of tech."

"What?" Daphne asked, "We found it! We deserve to know what it is, least of all examine it!"

"I'm sorry, but we can't let you do that," Jack reiterated, "This is very dangerous equipment, and it's our job to remove it from places like this."

Owen slipped on dark sunglasses, and helped Gwen picked the thing up, loading it into the SUV.

"Enjoy your visit to Cardiff," Jack nodded, "Try the pizza place in town-- I've been going there for centuries."

Velma frowned, and watched as the three walked off and started the vehicle, roaring off.

"Something doesn't seem right about those guys," Fred muttered.

"They're definitely hiding something. Let's follow them," Daphne suggested.

Velma adjusted the neckline of her orange sweater a little lower, thinking of Owen's sexy smirk. "Yeah... good idea."

-0-0-0-

Jack opened the door to the hub as Gwen and Owen carried the debris in, dropping it on a nearby table.

"Looks like it's made out of some sort of metal," Owen murmured, inspecting the surface, "The alien equivalent of tinfoil, looks like, that weighs a lot more than our version."

"Any vital signs?" Jack asked, folding his arms. Gwen held her breath as Owen scanned the artifact, but the Brit shook his head.

"No. If it were alive before, it would be very dead now, but no biological readings turned up. I believe this is out of my area of expertise now, so I'm going to finish off my biscuits."

Jack chuckled, waving Owen off, and beckoned for Gwen.

"Does this look familiar to you?" he asked.

"No... I can't say that it does," she replied thoughtfully.

"Right. So we've got to do some extensive research here."

Jack looked over to the Hub door, and waited.

-0-0-0-

"But that's impossible... they can't have just disappeared," Velma said, looking around. The gang had parked by the road where the Torchwood SUV had, but now, they hadn't seen where the team had gone.

"I think they went this way," Daphne said, gesturing for the rest to follow. They walked down a flight of stairs, into a pizza place. Fred glanced around in confusion.

"Shag, was this the pizza place you found? he asked.

"Yeah!"

"Jack said something about coming here," Daphne mused, "If he comes in here, maybe they'll know where to find him."

The gang went up to the counter, where a guy with square glasses was scrolling through a computer. "Hi there," Fred said, "Could you tell us if a Jack Harkness has ever come in here?"

The guy stared blankly, eyebrows raising as he looked down at Fred's bright red ascot. "Why, you his boyfriend?" Fred sputtered, and Daphne moved in front of him.

"Look, Mister. We're friends of his, and he asked us to pick up pizza for a party he's having tonight. He just told us to get the regular, that you would know what he means."

The five waited with bated breath, but the guy still shook his head. "Sorry, but I've really never heard of the bloke. Try a different place, yeah?" Daphne deflated, but Velma got an idea.

"Have you ever, by any chance, ever delivered for anyone under the name of "Torchwood?" At this, the guy's face lit up a little.

"Oh, yeah! They order all the time - only delivery though, so I couldn't tell you who they are. All I hear is some grumpy sounding cockney fellow on the other line." Daphne looked at the others.

"Owen." Velma turned back to the guy.

"Do you think you could tell us the address?"

The guy hesitated. "Um... customer confidentiality, and all that... I could get in big trouble you know."

Daphne leaned against the counter seductively, squeezing her breasts together. "You couldn't make an exception? _Just_ for us?"

The guys stuttered, flushing. "Well, here... I can at least tell you that they live right next door. Cozy little place, run by a nice, dapper-looking guy in a suit."

Daphne smiled, squeezing his shoulder. "Thanks."

-0-0-0-

"This doesn't seem like some sort of top-secret base," Fred said skeptically, and Shaggy shrugged.

"I don't know about you, Scoob, but it looks pretty nice compared to what we usually investigate."

"Ruh huh!"

Velma creaked the old door open, and Shaggy gulped. 

"Like, I spoke too soon."

They went in, and the little entryway was decidedly cozy, with piles of clutter and a small lamp illuminating the room warmly. Just as they began to look around, a friendly voice greeted them from behind.

"Hello! May I help you with something?"

Fred looked the young Welshman over. This must be the nice guy in the suit. "Uh, yeah... we're looking for Jack Harkness?"

Something passed across the man's face, but he continued to smile pleasantly. "Who's asking?"

"Mystery Inc, the gang him and his team stole that silver thing from!" Daphne said, crossing her arms. The man nodded politely.

"Ah. Give me a moment, will you please?" Ianto, the man, dialed a short code into the landline, and listened into the phone before speaking. "Sir... they're here."

"Send them down, Ianto," Jack smiled from his end down in the Hub, and promptly hung up the phone.

"Who?!" Gwen asked.

"Mystery Inc." 

"How did you know they would follow us?" she asked, in awe. Jack looked at her.

"It's what _I_ would have done."

"We can't tell them about the aliens," Owen reminded, "they'll have it in the bloody tabloids by next week, and we can't get enough retcon for that."

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Just keep them distracted-- talk to them, bond with them, I don't care! Show them any courtesy you can, and maybe they won't figure anything out."

Just then, the door to the hub opened, and in walked four wide-eyed young people and their dog.

"Jeepers," Daphne breathed, gazing around at the huge space, "This is... amazing!"

"Jinkies!" Velma exclaimed, walking over to Tosh, "is that a CSCI-UA 0480-008?"

"Yeah," Tosh smiled, "You... actually know and care what this is?"

"Of course! I've been interested in this stuff since I was nine!" Tosh grinned warmly.

"I'm Toshiko Sato."

"Velma Dinkley," Velma returned with a handshake.

Daphne gazed over at them, standing beside the badass-looking brunette from earlier. "What are they saying?" Gwen stifled a giggle.

"I never ask. I just let Tosh be Tosh."

"Same with Velma," Daphne shook her head, "I swear, if she would look up from her books and stupid computers once in a while, she might actually learn the difference between red accents and brown _disasters_." The redhead gave Velma a disapproving once over, referencing her clothes.

"Leg warmers are so last decade," the women both said at the same time, and, grinning, Gwen bit her lip.

"Would you like to see something absolutely brilliant?"

Daphne nodded, and Gwen smiled a little.

"I'm sure Jack wouldn't mind... much. Follow me."

The two ladies slipped away unnoticed as Fred talked to Jack. "What you found," Jack explained, "Was a satellite dish, that fell off of a local station pole. It looks weird, because it was mangled by the rainstorm." Fred frowned, sticking his hands in his pocket.

"But what about the speed of it when it hit our van? The wind wasn't that fast."

"Trust me, it was. Look Freddie - can I call you Freddie? - don't worry. We've got it under control." Jack turned. "You must be hungry." Scooby perked up.

"Reah! Reah!"

Owen's head swiveled, his pen dropping from his mouth. "A talking mutt?!"

"Rey! Rat's rog to roo!" Scooby retorted, sniffing, and Owen raised an eyebrow. 

"Ianto, show them to the kitchen," Jack grinned, surprisingly unphased by Scooby's ability to talk, "Let's discuss this in my office, Freddie, and I'll show you a couple things."

Smirking, Ianto leaned into Fred's ear before going off with Scooby and Shaggy. "Careful... he bites." Fred turned back to Jack, who let out a little growl.

Ianto showed Scooby and Shaggy to the kitchen where he made the beverages every day, turning his back momentarily as he set up some things on the counter. "Right - drinks are in here, pudding's in the icebox, snackies in the fridge, condiments in the cupboards. Feel free to fix yourselves a-"

He stopped upon turning around, finding Scooby and Shaggy halfway through preparing a quadruple-decker sub.

Well," Ianto smiled, "I see you two know your way around a pantry. If you'll excuse me then, I have other business to attend to."

"Like, thanks anyway for the help!" Shaggy called after him, but as he was, Scooby ate the last olive in the jar.

"Hey!"

Down on a lower level, Gwen was helping Daphne fit her mufflers on in the shooting range.

"Hey," Gwen began, "Back at the roadside... be glad Owen wasn't hitting on you. He's really nobody to lose sleep over."

Daphne looked over after carefully selecting a handgun like she'd never seen one before. "What do you mean?"

"He's... not the most loyal one you'll ever catch," Gwen replied. Daphne nodded, letting Gwen show her how to hold the practice weapon properly.

"So, I'm guessing you guys had a thing...?" Gwen showed her how to fire as she nodded.

"Well, sort of. It was never really a thing, but... I don't know what it was." She sighed, cocking her own gun. "It's not that it was complicated-- it was really quite black and white." The Welsh woman squinted. "All I'm saying is, be glad he hasn't gotten his hands all over you."

"Why?"

"Fred will never seem adequate enough, ever again," Gwen snorted.

"That good?"

"Best fucking month of my life," Gwen replied through gritted teeth, "Came hard enough to render me happily celibate for months." Daphne jumped as Gwen fired off three angry rounds at the targets, no doubt picturing the aggravatingly charming Londoner upstairs.

"Wow."

"Worst part was, Daphne, I'm in a relationship. Rhys doesn't even know Owen!" Daphne sighed.

"I feel you. I sort of... did something similar."

"Yeah?"

"Well, the gang and I were in Scotland to visit my cousin Shannon-- and solve the mystery of the Loch Ness Monster, as it turned out-- and there were these really hot brothers competing in the Highland Games, Colin and Angus. They fought over everything... including me," she added sheepishly, and fired off two shots at the target dummies to drive the point home.

Gwen's eyes widened comically, long lashes bursting. "You didn't! Both...?"

"I did," Daphne chuckled, "Colin said he liked my nail polish... Angus said he liked my shoes... I couldn't refuse pick-up lines like those."

"You minx! Does Fred know?"

"I never told him, but I really don't think I should, given his ego."

Gwen blinked, then burst out laughing. Daphne realized how ridiculous it all was, and began laughing as well until the entire shooting range was echoing.

Upstairs, Tosh and Velma were hitting it off.

"Hold on," Tosh grinned, "Let me get a few things done, and I'll show you how the software works too."

Velma nodded enthusiastically, and Tosh hurried off, leaving the brunette to tap away with something. Owen watched her intently from his swivel chair. He curiously found himself attracted to nerdy women as of late... and Velma's sheer intelligence was getting him hard, which didn't make much sense, but Owen knew when _little Owen_ was interested, and this was certain now. After a second, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat after imagining everything he could do with her, and decided to wheel himself over for proper introductions.

"Owen Harper," he flashed her a smile he knew would win her over, " _Doctor_... Owen Harper," he added, entertaining the feeling that a smart one like her would appreciate the title. "You're Velma, yeah?"

Velma bit her lip and looked up like a deer in headlights, as if she had never interacted quite like this with another male human.

"Uh... yeah."

"Well, Velma... you're into science? I'm sure you've heard all those horrid chemistry pick up lines, then. I'm sure you've got blokes falling all over themselves for you." Velma blushed, ducking behind the dark curtain of her immaculately trimmed bob. "So instead," Owen continued, brushing back a few strands, "Why don't we hop on the good foot and do the bad thing in my lab, and I'll fuck you 'til you scream my name, eh?"

Velma went slack-jawed with arousal. "I- I don't usually..."

Owen rolled his eyes. "You're not seriously going to give me that "I'm not that kind of girl," innocent flower speech, are you? Because I can just tell you're a freak in the sheets."

Velma couldn't seem to stop blushing, but she couldn't really deny his prediction... It had been a long time. 

"'Course, I could be wrong. Look, say the word, and I'll leave it be... but think about it. When was the last time you screwed for an hour straight?" he whispered, looking around, "When was the last time you came so hard, for so long you forgot where you were?"

Velma exhaled shakily, and pushed up her glasses. "You make a logical point."

The two made a dash for Owen's lab, and Tosh watched them go with a snort. _Ah, Owen._

-0-0-0-

"So," Jack said, "Fred Jones. I like you... you seem to know a lot," he lied. It was obvious the guy was dumb as a brick, albeit a good leader who responded to a little ego-stroking. _What a stereotypical jock,_ Jack thought with a smirk, _happens to be my type. Wait... do I have a type?_

"I know some stuff," Fred agreed, then looked right at Jack. "Why exactly do you like me? Is it the ascot?" Jack cocked his head, looking down at his desk.

"Well, maybe you're just very attractive... maybe I just have a thing for Jones'."

"Right... okay," Fred replied, but before he could get the next question out, the other man spoke again.

"You know, I talk to the prime minister in here," Jack continued, stroking his bottom lip.

"Yeah? Cool!" 

"It is," Jack murmured, "I keep him on hold most of the time, but... still counts as conversation."

Fred nodded, and Jack stood, coming over to him.

"Relax..." he whispered, and with questioning eyes, stroked the blonde's cheek. Something in Fred's eyes answered, and Jack tilted the blonde's lips into his. Fred moaned, and his hands flew up to cup Jack's face as he deepened the kiss.

"Me _ow_ ," Jack sing-songed against Fred's lips, "Someone likes it rough... and I don't think it's your girlfriend." Sitting back down, Fred took a deep breath as he stared at the debauched Jack.

"Tell me more."

-0-0-0-

"Like, what was that?" Shaggy asked, devouring a jar of artichoke hearts in one gulp.

"Rhat?" Scooby asked, finishing up an opened box of biscuits that was lying around on its side.

"There was a noise downstairs," Shaggy shivered, "Maybe we should go back and stick close to the others."

"But Raggy! Rizza!" Scooby insisted, dragging out a box of leftover pizza to add to their feast.

"Like yeah, but... What if there's a ghost, or... a monster, down there?"

"Ronster? Rhere?!" Scooby asked fearfully, and Shaggy sighed.

"No, down there. I'm not checking it out."

"Ri rare rou."

"You dare me to what?"

"Rinvestigate."

"Investi-! Like, no way, Scoob. I dare _you_!"

"Rokay..." Scooby hesitated before jumping off of the chair, "...rou rirst."

"Fine, I will!"

The two exited the kitchen, coming to the top of a staircase leading to a tunnel. Shaggy scratch the back of his neck, peering down into the darkness and listening to the ominous creaking downstairs. "Maybe you should go instead," Shaggy tried, but Scooby stayed firmly rooted. "Okay, but I get your share of the Scooby Snacks later," Shaggy muttered, and began the descent. Scooby considered this, and bounded down after his best friend.

The creaking grew louder, and the two looked around to find cells on either side of the tunnel plexiglass containing strange things they've never seen. Suddenly, they heard a loud thump, and Shaggy's hair stood up as Scooby jumped into his arms. "Zoinks! Like, what _is_ that?!" he cried, knees shaking together.

"What are you two doing down here?" a female's voice said, and Tosh came down, frowning. "Oh... you, er... found her."

"Her?!"

Tosh look down her feet, and sighed, crossing her arms inside her navy blue hoodie. " _Jack's going to have a field day_... Ehmmm, the Weevil."

"The evil?! Like, run for it, Scoob!"

"No, no!" Tosh winced, " _Weevil_. They're a type of..." she worried her lip, looking around, "Alien." Shaggy gulped, and Scooby fell over.

-0-0-0-

"What is... that thing... we found?" Fred gasped between kisses. Jack gritted his teeth.

"I told you."

"No, no bullshit."

"Guess you're a little smarter than I thought," Jack muttered, and sighed, grimacing as his hands went up the blonde's muscular back. "Okay-- it's alien technology. Believe me?"

"No."

"Perfect," Jack grinned, and Fred narrowed his eyes.

"Alien technology, huh?" Fred asked, "If that's your story, prove it."

"Unpin me, and your wish is my command," Jack laughed, and Fred reluctantly let the brunette go, brushing off his white and blue polo. Jack fixed his ascot for him, and beckoned the blonde out of his office with a finger. Fred followed, and Jack led him to a heavily-guarded safe.

"What you're about to see is seriously restricted property - outside the government, beyond the police. This can't leave the room."

"Why are you showing me?" Fred asked, "I'm just a guy you found on the side of the road."

"Like I said, Freddie," Jack sighed, unlocking the safe, "I like you. You remind me of myself - we both run important organizations. The only difference is, you work to expose the truth... I preserve it."

"For what?" Fred asked. Jack looked away solemnly.

"For when the human race is ready for the truth." Before Fred could ask, Jack tossed the lock aside, and opened the safe.

"Now do you believe me?"

-0-0-0-

"Oh, that's fucking good, yeah..." Owen moaned. He currently had Velma under him on the autopsy table, her legs hooked behind him as his jeans jangled around his knees.

"Jinkies!" Velma breathed, "I've never felt anything like this b-before!"

"And _that_ , is why you need to get out more," Owen quipped, sucking a mark into her neck and thrusting again.

"Ah! _Oh_!"

"Oi, keep it down... I could get fired for this..."

"You could?"

"I s'pose... which really isn't fair when you think about it, considering our fearless captain could shag a bloody platoon up there, or usually just Ianto, and no one would say anything."

"Let's make them jealous, then," Velma smiled, hooking Owen in deeper, and the doctor groaned, picking up his pace again.

"I knew you were a cheeky bitch the moment I saw you," Owen grinned, and Velma giggled bashfully. As the two got closer to finishing, Velma's eyes opened, to stare straight at a purple-scaled arm in a tank of clear jelly.

"Um," she blinked, "O-Owen, what exactly is that?"

"What, love?" Owen panted.

"That severed arm in your lab, covered in inhuman scales," the brunette deadpanned, and Owen paused his thrusts, wincing.

"Um... experiment gone wrong?" he tried, and kissed her again in attempt to distract.

"And," Velma continued, looking up at a jar with an eyeball in it, "That?" Owen sighed.

"It's a... souvenir... of sorts."

Velma stared up at him. "You make a habit of collecting body parts from dead patients? I'm not new to that, we come across homicidal maniacs every once in a while." Owen thought for one frustrated moment, then decidedly stared at Velma, sucking in a breath.

"You want to hear something that'll send your blood racing?" Velma nodded slowly.

"Sure. I'm all for fun facts. Especially during sex." 

Owen grimaced, muttering to himself, " _He's going to bloody kill me..._ " before turning back, thrusting in again, and whispering: "Aliens."

Velma frowned, and Owen huffed, elaborating.

"That's what we do. Torchwood - we deal with alien life and hide it from the public." Velma hesitated, holding Owen's forearms for support as the table shook under their weight.

"But... there's no such thing as ali-" she attempted to protest, but Owen cut in quickly.

"Come on, Velms," he whispered in her ear, "Smart girl like you should keep an open mind."

Velma swallowed. "Jinkies," she repeated, "It's just... usually a man in a mask for us. How do you deal with something like... aliens?"

"Sometimes softly," Owen murmured, caressing Velma's heaving breasts, and she shuddered, her climax beginning to build, "Sometimes with brute- _fucking_ -force," he hissed with three rough thrusts, and Velma didn't know why this turned her on so much; it wasn't practical, but Owen Harper sure was good in bed. She cried out, sitting upright and clawing at his back. He picked her up and settled her in his lap as they locked lips desperately. In seconds and with heightened noises, Owen finished her off, and came himself with Velma gasping into his shoulder.

"Aliens?" Velma breathed.

"Aliens," Owen smirked.

-0-0-0-

"And then he just passed out right on the couch in front of the telly, ass over tit tashered after a night drinking with the boys!" Gwen laughed, and Daphne doubled over as well.

"I guess I should consider myself lucky - Fred doesn't have too many guy friends to get drunk with. Where I'm from in Coolsville, he used to be worshipped so much he was untouchable."

"Oh, so he's _that_ kind of man," Gwen giggled, wiggling her eyebrows, "Darling, don't I know." Daphne turned back to the Target, and shot the bullseye. "There you are, you've got it! Gwen shrieked, and Daphne grinned.

"Maybe I should have enlisted in Torchwood," the redhead teased.

"Trust me-- you don't want to deal with all the top-secret stuff," Gwen waved off.

"What sort of stuff?" Daphne inquired.

"Oh, the sorts of things that fall through the Rift are things of nightmares." As soon as she had said it, the brunette's left hand clapped over her mouth, wide eyes returning. "I... I wasn't supposed to say that," she rushed, "Jack's going to _kill_ me, then bring me back to life, then kill me again! It's happened before, you know. Oh, _fucking wank_ , that was classified too!"

"What?" Daphne chuckled.

"Daphne, I can't-"

"Gwen... what _is_ Torchwood?" Daphne whispered, and Gwen's eyebrows lifted in a pained expression.

"Promise me you won't tell a soul," Gwen whispered back, taking off her yellow mufflers. Daphne did the same, nodding.

"I promise." Gwen bit her lip.

" _He's gonna kill me._ Torchwood deals with extraterrestrial debris and life forms that fall out of something called the Rift.

"So... that thing we found," Daphne murmured, "Was it an alien?"

"Well, it wasn't _an_ alien itself, no," Gwen smiled, "It was a piece of alien tech, we believe."

"Jeepers," Daphne breathed, then thought of something. "Do the cops know?" Gwen shook her head.

"Nor the government. I haven't even told Rhys!"

Daphne's eyes widened. "How do you stay sane?"

Gwen snorted, then started to laugh. "I don't!" Daphne grinned, and joined in the laughter once again.

-0-0-0-

Ianto made his rounds through the Hub, collecting everyone with the information of, "The captain requests everyone's presence back in the conference room."

Once both teams were there, most looking cozier than before, (especially a heavily blushing Velma with Owen's fingers stroking her thigh under the table).

"Well," Jack said with a winning smile, "Mystery Inc. I'm glad to see you enjoying night! Funny business what brought you here, huh?" There were mumbles of affirmation from around the table, and Jack nodded silently.

"I know you all know. You would have found out one way or another... I'm actually surprised Myfanwy didn't make an appearance."

"Who's Myfanwy?" Shaggy whispered to Tosh, and Tosh stifled a giggle.

"You, of all people, don't want to know."

Jack held up a hand, shrugging at everyone's sheepish faces.

"Hey, I think we could do something with this. You could be the... undercover Torchwood of the USA," Jack grinned, and the team hesitated, questioning his sincerity... in their experience, Jack Harkness would never do this.

"But like, we deal with people in phony monster masks by day!" Shaggy exclaimed.

"The responsibility would be huge," Jack agreed, "But I think you can handle it." The Torchwood team sensed something in Jack's voice, and immediately knew what he was planning.

"Drinks to celebrate?" Ianto proposed with his usually obliging smile, and set one down at each place carefully, placing the appropriate ones in front of the appropriate people as he had arranged in the kitchen.

Gwen sighed, and clinked hers against Daphne's. "To wanker boyfriends and uncomfortable party heels by day, kicking arse by night."

Daphne grinned, clinking back.

"If you're ever in Coolsville, you have to stay at mine!"

Owen turned to Velma. "I had a lovely time with you... _I'll never forget it,_ " he added softly, looking down with what seems like guilt.

Velma nodded, wondering what was getting him down, then looked at the others.

"Nice meeting you two," Tosh nodded to Scooby and Shaggy, "You're certainly a brave lot." Shaggy scoffed.

"Like, at least someone thinks so!"

Fred and Jack shook hands, and Jack concealed a smirk, winking. "Our little secret is safe with me."

Velma turned back to her own drink, staring down into it. A little later, when everyone was done, Fred stood up.

"Well, I think it's about time we got going. Lottsa sites to see," he said, "It was great."

 "Sure was," Jack said, "Pity you won't remember in the morning."

"What?" Everyone on the Torchwood team rubbed their arms sheepishly, and Mystery Inc began to panic.

"Actually," Velma corrected, stopping everyone, "We will." Jack frowned at her.

"What do you mean?"

Velma smirked a little, pushing up her glasses. "When we got here, I already knew that this was some sort of secret organization. Captain Harkness also said that he'd been going to the pizza place for centuries, so that caught my attention as out of the ordinary too. Later, when Tosh let me try her computer and got up to grab some equipment, I looked into the Torchwood database and found not only what you're hiding, but the formula for compound B67... Or another words, retcon-- what you put in our drinks."

"Wait, wait... hold on," Owen interrupted, brows furrowed, "So, you were faking your big old show of astonishment when I told you about the aliens?"

"Yes," Velma nodded, pushing up her glasses again, "But don't worry, Owen - that was the only thing I faked."

Owen coughed, and Jack raised an eyebrow at him in some sort of approving glare.

"Anyway - I followed you into the kitchen when I dashed off to the washroom after, um... an _in-depth discussion_ with Owen, and found glasses marked for us. Unfortunately, Scooby and Shaggy downed every single one." Ianto's eyes widened to the size of saucers, and the two miscreants looked at each other wearily.

"I filled up the glasses again as regular drinks," Velma said, "And was back in no time."

"Very clever," Jack said, smiling, "But you've gotta know we can't let you leave with memory of the past twenty-four hours."

"I think Shag and Scoob downed enough to last us all a week," Fred muttered, "I'm surprised they didn't overdose! If you can on that stuff..."

"Probably for the best," Tosh chuckled, explaining, "They met Janet." The Torchwood team all nodded knowingly.

"Jack," Gwen brought up, "Let them go. They don't mean any harm."

"Yeah. We won't tell anybody!" Fred assured.

"Like, tell anybody what?" Shaggy asked woozily, the retcon kicking in.

Jack sighed for a very long time, then rubbed his temples. "Okay, listen... the only reason I'm letting you go right now is because you've proved that you're worthy of this information... and, Freddie has the best tongue in the galaxy." Fred went beet red.

"Hey! You said you wouldn't tell!" Jack clamped a hand on his shoulder.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you I'm the best damn liar you'll ever meet?"

"I can attest to that," Ianto supplied, "Especially during naked hide and seek."

"Naked hide and seek, huh?" Daphne smirked, "Can nine play at that game?"

Jack shot her double barreled fingers. "I like the way you think."

Owen's eyes widened as he began to roll backward in his chair. "Yeeeah... I think I'll spend the night with my biscuits, thanks."

"Like, we kind of ate those..." Shaggy muttered, scratching his head, "At least... I think we did."

"Well, gang," Freddie said, "Looks like we solved that mystery."

Owen facepalmed, and everyone laughed.


End file.
